So, my first entry into the wide world of blogging. Now you'll know what the pastor *and* the worship leader are thinking. More than you ever wanted to know, I'm sure.
I'm Frank, the worship leader here at the Vineyard Church of Savannah. My wife, Hannah and I planted this church with the senior pastor, Kent, and his wife Janna just about 3 years ago.
What a journey this has been. The first thing I learned, and probably in the top 5 most important things was that there is intention in relationship. I was confronted immediately by how difficult it was to feel engaged by God, or to engage anyone else in a Kingdom sense outside the context of a large crowd. When there's no crowd energy to draw on, you find out just how well you really know God. I learned quickly that I didn't know God like I thought I did.
I also learned how dependant I'd become on cues to tell me how to react. I spent all of my time waiting for God to engage me. It was very much as though I wandered around my house, waiting for my wife to engage me, but never making any intentional move to engage her. Sure, I guess my needs would get met occasionally in a kind of minimalistic way, but there would be no relationship. A relationship requires 2 willing participants free to engage or not, as they choose. God is gracious, and he meets us where we are...he meets our deepest need simply by existing and loving us. The question that formed, then grew and grew over the next couple of years was, "What am I missing? What is God saying to me right now that I'm simply not hearing?"
One quarter in VLI (Vineyard Leadership Institute...the Vineyard's organic leadership school) was focused on the leader's self development and spiritual disciplines. That was the wake up call I needed. I began to devour writings by Thomas Merton, St. John of the Cross, Richard Foster, and others. I felt an immediate and intense connection with a life filled with disciplined intention.
Next to my actual conversion to Christianity, this has been the biggest turning point in my life...pretty much everything has changed in the last 9 or 10 months. God has taught me to be quiet through consistent times of disciplined quite, prayer, meditation and contemplation. He has taught me what "faith" actually is, as Hebrews defines it. He continually reminds me what it is to truly rely on Him, and not on what I may be feeling at any one time or another. He has taught me to love Him affectionately, intensely and consistently. I spend very, very little time shouting in the dark for God to reveal Himself because he's taught me to turn and find Him anywhere.
All of this has had implications for every single area of my life, and for every other relationship. They are all a part of Him, and He is a part of them. This divine love is God, who is the source, and this love all emanates from the Trinitarian self-dedication of Father to Son and Son to Father, of which the Holy Spirit is evidence and expression. The love I have for my wife is not separate from the Trinitarian love; it is an expression of it. This conversation I'm having is not removed from God's divine life; God is speaking to this person and to me right now. Right this very instant. I have a quiet assurance that God is with me.
I pray and journal every morning from 6:00am to 7:00am, and this is what I will share here. They are my reflections and contemplations, usually written in a pretty mentally "flexible" (read: sleepy) state...I'm much less protective and anylitical, which is great. I can over think something in a real hurry. My journaling covers a wide variety of topics, but most are focused on working through an intentional life with God. More tomorrow.
I'm Frank, the worship leader here at the Vineyard Church of Savannah. My wife, Hannah and I planted this church with the senior pastor, Kent, and his wife Janna just about 3 years ago.
What a journey this has been. The first thing I learned, and probably in the top 5 most important things was that there is intention in relationship. I was confronted immediately by how difficult it was to feel engaged by God, or to engage anyone else in a Kingdom sense outside the context of a large crowd. When there's no crowd energy to draw on, you find out just how well you really know God. I learned quickly that I didn't know God like I thought I did.
I also learned how dependant I'd become on cues to tell me how to react. I spent all of my time waiting for God to engage me. It was very much as though I wandered around my house, waiting for my wife to engage me, but never making any intentional move to engage her. Sure, I guess my needs would get met occasionally in a kind of minimalistic way, but there would be no relationship. A relationship requires 2 willing participants free to engage or not, as they choose. God is gracious, and he meets us where we are...he meets our deepest need simply by existing and loving us. The question that formed, then grew and grew over the next couple of years was, "What am I missing? What is God saying to me right now that I'm simply not hearing?"
One quarter in VLI (Vineyard Leadership Institute...the Vineyard's organic leadership school) was focused on the leader's self development and spiritual disciplines. That was the wake up call I needed. I began to devour writings by Thomas Merton, St. John of the Cross, Richard Foster, and others. I felt an immediate and intense connection with a life filled with disciplined intention.
Next to my actual conversion to Christianity, this has been the biggest turning point in my life...pretty much everything has changed in the last 9 or 10 months. God has taught me to be quiet through consistent times of disciplined quite, prayer, meditation and contemplation. He has taught me what "faith" actually is, as Hebrews defines it. He continually reminds me what it is to truly rely on Him, and not on what I may be feeling at any one time or another. He has taught me to love Him affectionately, intensely and consistently. I spend very, very little time shouting in the dark for God to reveal Himself because he's taught me to turn and find Him anywhere.
All of this has had implications for every single area of my life, and for every other relationship. They are all a part of Him, and He is a part of them. This divine love is God, who is the source, and this love all emanates from the Trinitarian self-dedication of Father to Son and Son to Father, of which the Holy Spirit is evidence and expression. The love I have for my wife is not separate from the Trinitarian love; it is an expression of it. This conversation I'm having is not removed from God's divine life; God is speaking to this person and to me right now. Right this very instant. I have a quiet assurance that God is with me.
I pray and journal every morning from 6:00am to 7:00am, and this is what I will share here. They are my reflections and contemplations, usually written in a pretty mentally "flexible" (read: sleepy) state...I'm much less protective and anylitical, which is great. I can over think something in a real hurry. My journaling covers a wide variety of topics, but most are focused on working through an intentional life with God. More tomorrow.
posted by Frank Oesterheld at 9:54 AM
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