The more time I spend just being with God, the harder I realize it is. It's not too hard in the short term. It gets very, very hard over the long term though. I'm becoming increasingly aware of how badly I want to do something to feel...connected, or something...to God. As I discipline myself to enter his rest (see Hebrews chapter 4), I necessarily discipline myself to accept the fact that there's nothing I have that God needs. He wants my willing devotion and loving obedience, but he does not need it.

This is all about long term, dynamic relationship with the Living God. This is about knowing that God is, and that He is with me whether I feel it or not. It's not that my feelings are irrelevant, or that God does not want to engage me on that level. It's that faith is, by definition, not about what I'm feeling right now. For that matter, real, mature love is not about what I feel in the moment. This well developed love has depth, width and height, and it matures over many, many years; it is beautifully aged and views itself and its object with perspective. It does not live or die, wither or prosper on a careless word or a insensetive act because it is rooted in long experience. I know He is good because He has been good.

So, I am quiet with God, needing nothing, requiring nothing but the promise of His presence. I can be quite, still and content in this moment, as it is, knowing that He is with me. Each moment is an intentional act of worship, and He is worthy of it simply because He is. I have a quiet confidence that He is with me that has nothing to do with what I happen to be feeling right now. And that feels pretty good, ironically enough.