I'm posting here because I know that no one will ever read it. I'm a Pastor, and what I'm about to write would not be kindly received by the rest of Christianity. I certainly wouldn't want anyone to feel like this is directed at him or her personally.

I'm really struggling to identify myself as "Christian." I've become deeply disillusioned by the people who make up this beautiful faith.

They're mean.

They're bigoted.

They're exclusive.

Not all of them of course, but a significant and growing number. Fundamentalism has been on the rise, since 9/11 especially. What was once a kind of lunatic fringe has become the loudest voice in the Christian culture. What was once understood as intolerant sectarianism has hijacked the Christian agenda. On the other end of the spectrum are the extremes of charismania, represented by places like IHOP, where "faith" and "rationality" are placed entirely at odds with one another. The most fervent prayer is that Jesus will come back NOW, even if that means billions spending eternity separated from God.

Both camps treat the Scriptures, God's beautiful word to us, with wooden, irrational literalism, pulling and distorting it beyond all recognition. Both create "in" and "out" camps, forcing people to jump through all kinds of hoops in addition to loving Jesus.

Both, through meanness on one hand and naked craziness on the other, drive people further and further from a transforming relationship with Jesus. Neither camp gives a single shit about the anybody outside their belief system, though they both are full of hot air about how they do.

The only thing Christians seem willing to take stands on are the silly minutia of doctrine, which nobody but them gives a rat's ass about. Justice? The only justice they care about is the kind the unbeliever's going to get in hell. Hallelujah! Shutting out the unbeliever? Let's make sure we don't debate about that! I mean, God's got to have somebody to throw into hell, right? Sure! Otherwise his perfect word isn't true. The rights of women? Well, that's easy. The Bible is clear that women are inferior. Next question, please. The gay community? Of course they're included so long as they're not gay anymore. Muslims? Hell. Jews? Well, they're in, but don't ask me to describe the functional difference between them and Muslims since neither group believes in Jesus. Gandhi? Hell. Abraham? Heaven, of course! Duh.

God forbid any of us should discuss the fact that irrationality, intolerance, bigotry, homophobia, hypocrisy and ignorance are celebrated as fundamental virtues of the faith. I mean, the very word "faith" means turning your brain off and believing any and all kinds of nonsense, the very requirement of which is that it be completely irrational lunacy. I mean, if it weren't why would we need faith?

Seriously, that's the way the thinking goes. You just can't make this shit up.

The Good News is better than this. I know it is. The Good News is that Jesus came and rescued us, any of us, as we were. We didn't have to come to him. He came to us. God meets us where we are, any of us, not where he wants us to be. God never stands over us, threatening us with eternity in hell if we don't get our shit together; he never wags his finger at us, shouting that he knew we'd never get it right, he knew we'd never amount to anything. God never beat us over the head with a my-way-or-the-highway speech.

Some of us had dads like that. If I really believed that God were like that, I'd worship a dog instead. He wouldn't be good; he'd be the most evil being in the universe, a fact which a great number of Christians would be more than happy to proclaim. Worship God who hates EVERYONE EQUALLY!

Fuck that.

And yeah, I said "shit" three times and "fuck" once. Well, now it's four times and two times. If you're offended, sitting there thinking that God's pissed at me right now, then you're the Christian I'm talking about.

The enemy has a tendancy to hit us with something big, then when we turn to deal with it, he hits us from two other directions with smaller, but significant things. The problem is, you're already shaky from the big thing...when the smaller stuff comes along, it really has an impact.

The enemy is free to act...he's as free as you and I are to act against God. He doesn't need God's permission. No matter how much you love Jesus, you will suffer. Some of it will be your own fault. Some of it will be other sinners sinning against you. Some of it will be the result of living in a fallen world.

So what do we do? We live in community. We don't isolate; we have friends and family that we share this stuff with. There's no super spiritual answer here. You don't have to be alone, so don't be. Suffering is hard enough...it's much, much harder to suffer all by yourself.

I finished my first week and I've started my second. So far, so good. This has been a dream for me for so long that I catch myself feeling a little guilty that I'm getting paid for it.

I think the thing God's working on the most right now is just a real passion to help create a lost-focused church. I feel like the most important thing we could do this year is mobilize every single Christian in our church family to reach the people who need God the most. Of course I want to make sure that we're shepherding people in the direction of maturity in Christ, but the end result of that should be an outward focused body that lives for those outside itself.

I can't wait to see what'll happen next.

It's 10:13pm. I'm watching "Scrubs", thinking about starting life as a full time pastor tomorrow.


I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. This feels very much like the first night with my first child felt: I stayed awake all night, not knowing whether it was okay for me to sleep or not. I couldn't believe that they let me leave the hospital with a real human being. What the heck did I know about keeping a baby alive? I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do, so I spent the next 11 years learning via trial and error. I made mistake after mistake. I'd feel a lot worse about that, but Andrew, who's now my oldest (of three), is the greatest kid in the entire world, and it has nothing to do with me.


God is very, very good, all the time. I can't wait to see what'll happen next.

We just got back from the staff retreat. Most of the meeting time was spent clarifying our roles for the coming year, talking about goals and planning the yearly calendar. We spend a good amount of time just hanging out together, going down the beach and the pier, and eating together. We had all of the kids with us (3 from the O'Helds, 1 from the Moores and 2 from the Johnsons...6 total), so there was somewhat less rest than I think we all wanted, but the kids loved it too.

I'm still having a hard time believing that I'm a ful-time staff pastor now. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time, and I'm really, really grateful that God's given me the opportunity to do it. We have all come a long, long way from where we were when we came to Savannah. This is going to be an awesome year.

Wow...it's been a long time since my last blog. I don't have anything deep to say at the moment. I haven't had much time for anything but shallow thinking lately.."what will I eat" or "what should I wear to work" kind of thoughts.

I'm starting full-time with the church in January though, and I'm very excited about that. God's doing great things already, and Kent and I feel like it's just the beginning of what He'll do in the next year. There are going to be some pretty significant changes, but God's in it all.

Where were we? Actually, I missed a line, so I'm going to back up a bit.

Resist the devil
And he will fleed from you


This is a deceptively simple couplet. First is the idea of resistance. What does James mean by this? One of the things I see all the time is disilllusionment that sin is still a fact of life post conversion.

As a matter of face, people usually find that sin is even more of an issue than it was before they knew Christ. Steve VanDopp at the Vineyard in Columbus Ohio conducted a study as part of his doctoral dissertation. One of the facts that emerged was that sin was not an issue for people until after conversion. That means, by the way, that all our nagging about sinful lifestyle is a waste of time until after the person has some reference point in the form of a changed heart.

The key word in this couplet is word resist. When we think of resisting the enemy, we often think of the enemy having a grip on us while we pull back from him as hard as we can, all the while crying out for help from God. The thing is, that's not the meaning of the word. It's active resistance, otherwise known as...pushing.

The last part of that line means just what it says. We often fail in our work of resistance because we're pansies about it. As a pastor I'd like nothing better than to see way less whining about how hard it is to be a Christian, and way more life in victory. I'm not sure where this crept into Christianity, but we seem to think that we're out in the pagan frontier, God's crack troops, wandering in dangerous enemy territory. Who knows what will happen? NO. God's already taken the ground through Jesus Christ. It's done. Even though we will lose some along the way, we're going to claim it.

This is something I write all the time, but I suppose it's a theme in my life: Romans 8:1 is key here: there is no condemnation in the struggle between the spirit and the flesh. If you're not struggling, it's not because you're an awesome Christian; it's because you've given up. Never give up. Push back...hard.